Breaking the Survival Cycle

How I’m Learning to Take Care of Myself (With Gentle Herbal Support)

There are days I wake up already tense. Not just mentally, but in my body shoulders tight, stomach uneasy, jaw clenched like I’ve been fighting something in my sleep. And honestly? I probably have been. For years I’ve been living in a kind of survival mode. I got so used to it, I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal.

Survival mode isn’t just “being busy.” It’s a constant low hum of panic. It’s bracing for impact every day, even if nothing is visibly wrong. It’s reacting instead of responding. It’s running on adrenaline and caffeine and guilt. And eventually it takes everything from you.

I’m not out of it. I’m still in this messy middle ground. But I’m starting to notice it. I'm finding the power to pause and notice. To stop living on autopilot and begin asking, what do I need right now. Not what does everyone else need from me?

What I’m Noticing in Myself:

- I forget to breathe deeply unless I consciously do it.
- My thoughts spiral at the smallest trigger.
- I snap at my kids & husband or retreat entirely.
- I drink too much coffee and call it “coping.”
- I crave sugar or carbs for energy, then crash.
- My body feels heavy and tense most of the time.
- I avoid hard conversations because I’m emotionally maxed out.

None of these things make me weak or broken. They’re signs. Signals. Proof that my body has been trying to protect me from too much for too long. Awareness, acceptance, and action is what I’m learning. To just sit with it, and becoming aware of what’s going on in my body, my thoughts, and my patterns. That’s enough for today.

What I’m Trying to Do Instead:

I’m not fixing myself. I’m not diving into some huge self-improvement plan. That kind of thinking kept me stuck for years. Instead, I’m asking myself little questions like:

- Did I drink water today?
- Have I been outside?
- What’s one thing I can let go of?
- Is this my actual opinion or just fear talking?
- Do I need to move my body or rest it?
- What would feel nourishing not numbing right now?

These questions don’t fix everything.  "Easy does it." But they slow me down. They remind me I’m allowed to have needs. That I’m still here. And that I want to live in a body and mind that feels like mine again. One moment at a time. One choice at a time. I don’t have to solve everything today. I just have to be honest about where I am.

Herbs I’m Turning To While I Heal:

I’m not an herbalist but I’m learning to listen to my body and gently support it with herbs that feel grounding, nourishing, and supportive. I don’t take a million things at once. I keep it simple, and I try to notice how each herb makes me feel. Here are a few that I’m working with:

🌿 Nettle
This has been a foundational herb for me. It’s deeply nourishing rich in minerals like iron and magnesium and I use it as an infusion (a strong tea steeped for several hours). It helps rebuild my energy and supports my nervous system when I feel depleted.

🌿 Oatstraw
Oatstraw has such a calming, gentle energy. It’s for the frayed, burned-out nervous system (hi, me). I often combine it with nettle in an infusion or sip it on its own when I need softness.

🌿 Chamomile
I’ve started drinking chamomile tea in the evenings to help my body wind down. It’s not just calming it also supports digestion, which gets thrown off when I’m stressed or anxious.

🌿 Lemon Balm
This one helps when my mind won’t stop spinning. It has a light, slightly sweet taste, and I’ll mix it with other herbs when I need emotional calm or feel anxious in my chest.

🌿 Milky Oats Tincture
I use this when I’m especially overwhelmed. It’s different from oatstraw it’s made from the fresh, milky tops of the oat plant and is one of the best herbs for deep, restorative nervous system support.

🌿 Ashwagandha
When I feel wired but tired, ashwagandha helps me come back into balance. I don’t take it every day, but I do reach for it when my adrenals feel especially taxed. It’s more of a grounding adaptogen than a stimulant.

I’m not here to tell you what to take, but if you're in survival mode like me, nourishing herbs can be a lifeline. I just want to remind you that there are plants out there that want to help hold you through this. I'm learning about self-care that’s consistent and kind, not perfect. These herbs are one way I practice that. Not as a fix but as a daily reminder: I’m allowed to take care of me.

Why It Matters:

I know this isn’t sustainable. I know survival mode is a trap. And I want to believe there’s more to life than holding it all together. So, no I’m not healed. But I’m willing. And I’m open. And I’m learning to let slowness feel safe again. I’m writing this not because I’ve arrived, but because I’m still walking through it. If you’re here too, if your nervous system is fried and your heart feels like it’s running from something invisible you’re not alone. We don’t have to live like this forever. Let’s figure out how to rest, together. You are worth it!